11 signs your friend might have PND

Early recognition of perinatal depression and anxiety (PNDA) – often referred to as post natal depression (PND) – is extremely important; it is a medical condition that can be treated. Most mothers experience some degree of PNDA.

“Adjusting to parenthood is tough going and it’s natural for parents – both mums and dads – to feel overwhelmed by their new normal”, explains Cheryl Fingleson. “But when the baby blues last longer than a few weeks or so, it’s important to consider whether post-natal depression or anxiety has set in. PND develops between one month and a year after having a baby and affects around one in seven women and 5% of new dads.”

Tell-tale signs that someone is struggling

Friends are often the first to notice when something’s wrong. Here are some tell tale signs to look out for if you’re worried someone you know is struggling.

1. Withdrawing from contact and within social situations. People with PND often describe feeling as though they’re in a bubble and feeling removed or separate from other people, even in company. Your friend might not be returning phone-calls or seem reluctant to meet up or socialise.

2. Tearfulness, irritability or sadness. Your friend might feel overwhelmed by things that never used to bother her. She might cry frequently or seem sad and upset. Alternatively she might appear emotionless and flat.

3. Anxiety. Your friend might feel intense or fleeting feelings of panic and worry. She might appear overly anxious about her baby’s health, safety or behaviour, events, people or places.

4. Change in appetite. Has your friend lost a lot of weight? Has her appetite changed – is she eating more or less than usual?

5. Is your friend always hyper-critical of herself and her abilities? Loss of confidence is common in early parenthood, but feeling constantly worthless and useless also takes hold in PND sufferers.

6. Women suffering from post-natal depression and anxiety often find themselves no longer enjoying or finding pleasure in things they used to.

7. Of course every parent suffers from exhaustion, but if your friend’s tiredness levels seem excessive, or they’re sleeping more or less than usual – despite what they’re baby’s doing – then this can be a warning sign.

8. Panic attacks. This can include having moments when your friend’s heart races, has palpitations, breathlessness, shaking or feeling ‘detached’.

9. Does your friend fear being alone with her baby? Does she say or feel she’s not the best person to look after her baby? These feelings of inadequacy can escalate in some cases When a woman is suffering from post-natal psychosis she may become convinced she – or someone else – will harm her baby if left alone.

10. Inability to focus, remember or concentrate. Again, all signs of early parenthood, but if you sense your friend is suffering these to an extreme extent it could be a sign of depression which fogs the brain.

11. Risk taking behaviour. Is your friend drinking heavily or taking prescription or illegal drugs? She may be self-harming or hurting herself in other ways. All these are serious warning signs that something is wrong.

What can you do to help?

– Talk to your friend. Open up the conversation so she knows you’re available to confide in.
– Text your friend – it will mean a lot that you’re thinking of her.
– Encourage your friend to seek help.
– Provide emotional and practical support.
– Support her recovery.
– Drop off food, take her children or baby out for a bit to give her a break.
– Take her out – a change of scenery can be an enormous comfort.

If you believe someone you know is in immediate danger, please call emergency services immediately on 111. It’s OK to ask for help.

Support organisations

This article was written by Cheryl Fingleson for PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia). Cheryl is an internationally certified gentle sleep expert who can help identify signs of postpartum depression. Find out more on her website, Cheryl The Sleep Coach.

The mission of PADA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa) is to eliminate the stigma around perinatal mental health in New Zealand by championing awareness and facilitating best practice in perinatal mental health and wellbeing to ensure all families have access to appropriate information and support. Visit them at www.pada.nz.

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  1. kymmage 29/08/2018 at 10:11 pm

    Definitely important to remember that raising babies takes a village. These days your friends are far more likely to be around compared to family as well. Certainly in my case none of our parents live near by. Keep talking, visiting and do what you can to support each other ❤️

  2. Jen_Wiig 27/08/2018 at 12:37 pm

    communication aye it really is a life saver and the most important life line, you’d think as woman we would be really good at it but often we get so busy and caught up in our own lives and stresses we can sometimes miss the subtle signs that our friends arent doing ok so even just a text each day to say hey you doing ok can make a world of difference to someone.

  3. SarahBlair 24/08/2018 at 4:37 pm

    This is so important, we need to talk to each other about how we are feeling and ask your friends and offer to help, and keep talking, we often don’t want to admit that we cant cope, or we don’t want to burden others.

  4. MuddledUpMolly 20/08/2018 at 10:25 pm

    This article is a must read for any new parent or close friend or family member of a new parent. I have recently had a friend go through this with her firstborn son and it was hard work trying to be mindful of her needs and sensitive to what she has been going through so as not to scare her off.

  5. dawnblyth 20/08/2018 at 4:42 pm

    This is quite a timely article to read with my sister having her first child in Feb next year. It has reminded me of the signs to look out for.
    This is something that actually affected my husband after the birth of our second child. Hubby suffered depression prior to the birth however things esclated when our second child came on the scene. After 3 years of taking different medications, he has finally found one that works for him and has helped him feel more balanced and wanting to do things. He also talks about it with other people – making them aware that it is ok to ask for help, ok to feel like things aren’t going quite right for you for this I am very proud of him.

  6. Mands1980 10/08/2018 at 6:43 pm

    After going through this myself when I had my children I would hope I would recognise it in a friend. I know different people always show differently when they have this though. By talking all the time and visiting I think this is a major thing if you notice any changes then maybe say something to her or her husband/ partner as they live with them all the time they will see more things that you may not see when you talk or visit.

  7. Bevik1971 08/08/2018 at 4:49 pm

    Always ensure the lines of communication are open, I talk to all of my friends about pretty much everything! I’m not hesitant in asking what’s going on if I notice something not quite right. Life is just too short and too precious to be pussy footing around. Make sure you talk to your friends so that if there is an issue they know that you have their back 🙂

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