One of the trickier challenges parents face during their teen parenting years is drug use. It’s an issue that requires your guidance, whether you suspect they are using drugs or you’re keen to help them navigate the likely peer pressure to try them.
Read on for tips on how to tackle those challenges.trickier
The teenage brain
There has been lots of research into how the brain develops and experts agree that the teen brain is undergoing a huge amount of change and development and continue to into their 20’s. The part of their brain that deals with impulse control, decision making, planning and handling emotions isn’t fully developed.
Drug use during this period of brain development can adversely alter the way their brain develops and increase the likelihood of them becoming addicted. 1
Why do teens use drugs?
The desire to fit in and feel socially confident while dealing with all the other changes, peer influence and other pressures that life as a teen presents, combined with a brain not operating at optimum level creates a scenario where your teen may be likely to use drugs.
Controlling versus firm boundaries
Jessie Buttons, aka New Zealand’s Super Nanny, acknowledges the difficulty of creating firm boundaries for your child without tipping over into controlling behaviour – which they are likely to rebel against.
Controlling is dictating and supervising their every move eg locking the door and the gate for an extended time. A firm boundary on the other hand, is used to control their environment. They are still free to live and make choices.
Setting firm boundaries is giving them the keys to both, along with very clear instructions on what is ok and what is not ok, and then following through with the consequences of any bad choices.
How you can support your teen
Jessie says the best thing you can do is stay close and connected, and in doing so be able to figure out what problems and pressures are causing the teen to want to try drugs, and/or what their plan is for when they are offered it.
Invite your teen to sit with you and have a discussion and use he L.O.V.E response.
Listen
Observe
Validate
Empower
Listen – Repeat back what they say without judgement. “So, what you’re saying is…”
Observe – Try and understand how they are feeling. Check your own feelings and intentions for the process and think about if you care more about them or the outcome. If you care more about the outcome, you’re heading down the controlling path and you will need to let go of the need to control them, and the outcome. Then you can parent from a more helpful place.
Validate – Understand their position in the hope they will continue to share with you how it is for them. You can’t help them if you don’t understand their problem. Furthermore, they will not open up to you if they think you don’t understand.
Empower – Leave your teen feeling empowered. An empowering question is “What is your plan?” Maybe they need some tips and scripts on how to respond to peer pressure for example:
“Na bro, I’m not into that stuff, I’ve got Football tomorrow I wouldn’t do that to my team”
“You can keep that for yourself, I don’t need it – I was born chilled out Bro”
“No way! I’d be grounded for life; I’ve got way too much planned this term”
Let them know the limits and rules for your house and what the consequences will be for not respecting those rules. Be VERY clear but also remind them you love them, believe in them, and that they are free to choose.
Article written by Kidspot NZ and includes information supplied by Jessie Buttons for Kidspot
About Jessie Buttons (The New Zealand Super Nanny)
Jessie Buttons is a SUPER NANNY who provides high quality coaching for parents who struggle with their children’s behaviour.
Jessie has developed strategies and techniques for all of the common unwanted behaviours and also many of the ”out of the box” ones too.
From her experience as a Teacher and Global Nanny – Jessie also offers a Nanny Training Program, as she is witnessing a lack of Behaviour Management Training for Nannies resulting in frustration, and a high Nanny turnover for many families.
If you are seeking Harmony in your Home or you are just wanting some additional support make sure you check out her website, blogs and FREE resources.
For more information visit her website www.thenzsupernanny.co.nz or check her out on your favourite social channel:
25 June, 2026
