Promotion for NZ On Air

When you become a parent, you pretty quickly realise that kids do not indeed come with a manual that guides you over every bump and around every curve in the road!

To help you with your journey as a parent, Nathan Mikaere-Wallis is back for a second series of Kids Don’t Come With A Manual with science-based, easy-to-understand solutions to help whānau navigate tricky situations they’re facing with their tamariki.

Nathan is a parent, a grandparent, and a foster parent who draws on his experience as a neuroscience educator to infuse tikanga Māori into much-needed support and advice for parents. Through understanding what’s happening in your child’s brain, Nathan equips parents with practical, commonsense advice.

Made with the support of NZ On Air

Parenting with tikanga

Kids Don’t Come with a Manual presents real-life situations, discussions, and expert advice, with both general parenting advice and support with specific struggles.

One of the show’s main focuses is integrating tikanga – Māori customs, values, and traditions – into family life. Observing tikanga can help to build a foundation of identity and resilience by incorporating everyday practices to deepen children’s cultural understanding and foster a strong sense of belonging and purpose. Your whānau values may include things like:

• Spending time with whānau and respecting elders
• Sharing traditional stories
• Preparing kai
• Saying karakia and singing waiata
• Being a responsible kaitiaki

To help get you thinking about what’s important for your own family’s values, we’ve gathered some points to consider, many of which are covered in the new series.

Five things to remember in your parenting journey

1. All kids are different

All children develop differently and at different rates. Let children be children and try to avoid listening to uninformed yet well-meaning advice or comments about aspects of your child’s behaviour. As a first-time parent, you may be particularly sensitive to any suggestion that your child may be ‘different’ or not developing ‘normally’ but over time you will realise that there is no ‘normal’.

2. Embrace neurodiversity

Society can be quick to judge children for just, well, being children. Kids can be loud, energetic, shy, overwhelmed, excitable, anxious, and a million other adjectives! Our diversity is what makes us who we are and when we think differently we open up our minds to new ideas and new solutions. Neurodiversity can be a superpower!

3. Step into their world

Try to understand how your child is perceiving things and find ways to address any underlying issues. It’s time to put your listening skills into action and get down to their level! Simply telling a child ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ rarely works to stop the behaviour. Instead, explain to your child in terms they will understand for their age why you want them to alter their behaviour, eg what they are doing may be dangerous or may cause upset for others. And when they show behaviour that you agree with, let them know.

4. Change is hard for everyone, especially kids

Blended families have become more common. But that doesn’t make it any easier when you’re a kid and your perception is that your world has turned upside down. There are a number of things that parents can do to make the transition easier for children moving from one house to another.

• Involve them in the process of choosing their room or decorating it to allow them to take ownership of their new space and allow them to bring over favourite toys, bedding, pictures, etc so it feels more familiar.
• Keep things as consistent as possible for mealtimes, bedtimes, or family activities so they feel stable.
• Let children express their feelings and address any worries they have. Keep the lines of communication open and validate their emotions.
• Spend quality time together as a blended family and one-on-one.

5. Ask for help

And finally, if you are concerned about your child, seek professional advice. Don’t struggle on alone. Seek help.

Watch now

Watch all episodes of seasons one and two of Kids Don’t Come with a Manual on the Māori+ app or at maoriplus.co.nz.

Made with support from NZ On Air.

Glossary

Click the links for a full definition of each te reo word and pronunciation.

• Tikanga – values & practices
• Tamariki – children
• Whānau – family
• Kai – food
• Kaitiaki – guardian
• Karakia – prayer
• Waiata – song

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